


Is that a penis in your package?

by Wiccan507



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Alternate Universe - Neighbors, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Fluff, M/M, Mail mix-up
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-10
Updated: 2017-07-10
Packaged: 2018-11-30 14:04:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11465109
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Wiccan507/pseuds/Wiccan507
Summary: Everyone knew that a package from the local hardware store was in fact a package from the local sex shop. What is Bucky supposed to do when he starts receiving his neighbours packages from the hardware store?





	Is that a penis in your package?

Bucky Barnes had lived next door to Clint Barton for nearly 6 months when the packages started. He hadn’t had much interaction with Clint up until then. Mostly it had been hellos while collecting the mail or waves when they jogged past each other. But, then the packages started and Bucky was getting much more interaction with his neighbour.

The first one that had been dropped off in his mailbox was small, the label showing it was from the local hardware store. Bucky had been shocked to say the least, he didn’t remember ordering anything from the hardware store. Of course, everyone in town knew that it wasn’t actually a package from Steve’s Hardware; the package was a cover for the neighbouring sex shop. A system that had been in place for years, used to protect people’s privacy, but now everyone just pretended they didn’t know who you were really buying from.

As soon as he’d realised that it wasn’t his name on the label he’d taken it over to his neighbour’s house. Clint had answered the door in just sweatpants and Bucky hadn’t been blind to how good-looking his neighbour was. And holding the small package in his hand, and staring at his half-naked neighbour, it had been very difficult not to imagine what Clint might be using later.

Now, looking at the much larger package in his hands, he couldn’t help but remember the conversations they’d had starting from the first one.

“Oh, hey, Bucky. What’s up?”

“Your package was delivered to me by mistake.” Bucky pushed the package towards his chest and Clint put his hands up to hold it.

“Oh, wow! I only ordered this last night, didn’t think it would come so quick.”

“Well, it’s only a small town. Probably hand delivered it this morning.”

“I had no idea they did that, guess I can fix Wilsons plumbing today.” Clint had said it more to himself, but Bucky was still surprised that the man had offered such information.

“Oh, right, Sam’s plumbing, I got ya,” Bucky winked at Clint and the man looked confused by his words. It was then that Bucky had realised that Clint probably had no idea that everyone knew about Steve’s being a cover for the sex shop. “Well, you have fun plumbing.”

“Er, sure. Thanks Buck!”

+++

The second package had been a little bigger, and Bucky had taken it over to Clint’s place with a little too much excitement. He couldn’t stop wondering if Clint would be wearing just sweatpants again. When he knocked on the door, he could hear a lot of banging inside and then a very wet Clint was answering the door.

“Bucky!”

Bucky was a little taken aback by Clint shouting his name, but he smiled at the man anyway, “You okay?”

“Oh, yeah. Just showering.”

“With all of your clothes on?”

“Erm, well, no. I have leaky pipes.” Clint pointed a thumb over his shoulder and Bucky assumed he was talking about his bathroom.

“I see. Another package got dropped off for you, thought I’d bring it over for you.”

“Thank you so much! This is exactly what I need today.”

“Well, I’m glad I could help you, let me know if there’s anything else I could do for you in the future,” Bucky tilted his mouth into a smirk to let Clint know that anything meant anything.

“I might take you up on that; never know when you might need an extra pair of hands!” Clint laughed with his whole body and Bucky hoped he needed help soon because this man was incredibly beautiful.

+++

The third package had been the heaviest and the loudest. Whatever was inside clinked every time he shook it. He’d carried it over to Clint’s house and almost dropped it when he’d tried to hold it in his hand and press the bell to the house. Clint pulled the door open, his hair was sticking up all over the place and he looked absolutely gorgeous.

“Another one? Why do my packages keep getting sent to you?” Clint pulled the package from his hand and shook his head at it.

Bucky shrugged his shoulders and smiled at Clint, “My best friend’s boyfriend owns the shop; he probably just sees the address and puts it in my box.”

Clint’s eyebrows shot up, “Wow, you must order from him a lot.”

“Not a lot, just a few things.”

Clint nodded his head and tucked the box under his arm, “Oh, cool! You could probably help me out even more than I thought; especially if you’ve got experience.”

Bucky ran his hand through his hair and shamelessly flexed his bicep as he did it. He hoped that Clint took notice, “Well, I do have lots of experience. So, what’s in the box?”

“Chains.”

Bucky blinked a few times before he was able to reply, “C- Chains?”

Clint frowned as he kicked at the edge of the loose wood on his doorframe and then focused on Bucky, “Yeah! Strangely, they’re the most vital part of my kit. You would not believe how often I use them.”

“Erm, I mean, how often do you use them?” Bucky wasn’t sure he actually wanted to know the answer.

“Well, I’ve got three jobs I’ll need them for next week. Mrs Matheson, Rogers and a friend of mine Nat.”

Yep, Bucky definitely didn’t want to know the answer, “You’re using the chains with my best friend and 89 year old Mrs Matheson?”

“You’re Steve’s best friend? He’s a great guy!” Clint’s eyes lit up at the mention of Steve and a small smile graced his face. Great, another guy completely charmed by Steve. The big lug had no idea the affect he had on the population.

“Yeah, he is, never knew he liked chains though. Pretty sure I didn’t actually want to know. What about Tony though, because I know Steve and he would never do this to Tony.”

Clint rubbed at the back of his neck and pulled his bottom lip between his teeth, “Erm, Tony is the one who hired me, actually.”

Well, that is far more than he ever needed to know, “I think I’m gonna go because I’m learning far more about their relationship than I ever wanted to know.”

Clint frowned at him and took a step towards him, but Bucky couldn’t handle the images in his head right now, “What are you talking about, Bucky?”

“I’ll see you later, Clint!”

+++

That had been the last package Bucky had received, and coincidentally the last time he’d actually seen Clint. Well, it had been the last package before this one he was holding. And this package was just a ridiculous size, it was the length of his arm and he could only imagine what was inside. Oh god, what if Clint had bought something else to use on Steve? Bucky dropped the package beside his front door and grabbed his keys. He really needed to talk to Steve.

+++

Steve’s Hardware was opened four years ago and Bucky still remembers how proud Steve had been when he’d cut the ribbon on his door. Then, a year later Tony had opened his shop next door and the romance of Stony began. But, now apparently they were bringing Clint into the mix.

Bucky pushed the door to Steve’s shop open and looked around the empty space, “Steve! You here?” There was a crash at the back of the shop and then Steve came stumbling out of his store room, “Buck! What brings you here?”

Bucky strode up to his best friend and poked him in the chest, “You Steve. You are an absolute bastard.”

“What did I do this time?”

“You are sleeping with the guy I have a crush on! I mean, come on Steve, save some for the rest of us.” Steve’s eyes went wide and grabbed Bucky and pulled him into a hug, “Buck, what? We’ve been together for three years, why didn’t you ever tell me?”

Bucky got his hand between them and shoved Steve backwards, “Oh, jeez, Steve! I ain’t talking about Tony.”

Steve ran his fingers through his hair and leaned against his counter, “Oh, then who are you talking about?” Tony came out of the store room, his shirt still hanging open from god knows what he and Steve were doing in the back room, “I’d like to know that as well, since Steve and I have been together for three years. Who ya sleeping with Steve?”

Bucky wanted to pull his hair out, because they were clearly still enjoying sex with each other. Why did they need to bring in the guy he wanted? “You should know! You’re the one who organised it.”

Tony stopped buttoning up his shirt and stared at him, “What the hell are you talking about?”

“My neighbour, Clint. You guys hired him to bring over his chains and have sex with him, and now I’ve got this huge package at my house waiting to be used on Steve!” Bucky waved his hand towards Steve to make sure they knew who he was talking about.

“What the hell are you talking about, Buck? Who’s Clint?” Steve couldn’t have looked more confused and Bucky was starting to worry that he’d just ruined some sort of sex surprise. Tony waved his had around to get both their attention, “Wait, do you mean our handyman?”

Oh no, “Your handyman?”

“Yeah, we hired him to build our new fence in the back garden. Sam recommended him to us; apparently he built him a whole new bathroom. Installed new bath and shower, re-did his pipes and everything.” Tony explained and Steve nodded his head like he finally realised what they were talking about.

This was the worst day ever, “I don’t suppose chains would be needed to install your new fence?”

“Yeah, actually. He worked it like a pulley system, why?” Steve asked.

Oh god, they were never going to let this go, “Tony has Clint ordered anything from you?”

There was a small smirk starting to pull at Tony’s lips and Bucky was going to be teased for the rest of his life, “Nope! What’s going on?”

“Clint has been ordering packages from Steve and I thought they were actually from you. I got a huge package this morning and I thought he was gonna use it on, Steve.” Tony hid his face in Steve’s neck and Bucky could see his body shaking with laughter. Steve put his hand on Tony’s back and Bucky could see his jaw tensing as he tried not to laugh.

In a strained voice Steve said, “It’s plastic tubing.”

“What?”

“That’s what’s in the package, Buck.”

“Don’t you dare start laughing, Steve.”

“I wouldn’t dream of it.”

Bucky pointed his finger at both them and tried to be as menacing as possible, “We never speak of this. Neither of you ever tell anyone about this.”

+++

Bucky wasn’t really sure how he was going to explain this to Clint, but he’d have to start with the packages probably. He knew he was going to have to explain it, because Steve and Tony were definitely going to tell him next time he went into Steve’s. He grabbed the huge stupid package from inside his door and walked over to Clint’s house. He had no idea how he was supposed to even start this conversation. He used the package to press the bell and waited for Clint to answer the door.

He tapped his foot as he waited and smiled when Clint pulled the door open, “Hey, Bucky. Another package, seriously?”

“Yeah, I don’t know how this keeps happening.” Bucky smiled at Clint and he tried to figure out how to bring up the sex shop thing subtly.

Clint dragged his hand down neck and smiled at him, “I know, so weird. How are you?”

“I’m good, great, so I thought you were buying huge sex toys.” Great work on the subtly, Bucky.

The package slipped out of Clint’s hands and Bucky was glad it was just plastic tubing, “What!”

“It’s known in town that Tony, the owner of the sex shop next door to Steve’s, puts a label on from Steve’s when you order something from him. And for the past few weeks I’ve thought you were buying increasingly kinky stuff to use on yourself and others in town,” Bucky explained.

Clint’s eyes were wide and he looked horrified, “Oh my god. Oh my god! So, when I said I was fixing Sam’s plumbing?”

Bucky nodded his head, “Yah, I thought you were fucking him.”

Clint put his face in his hands and groaned, “Oh god, this explains why you were so weird about me using the chains on Mrs Matheson and Steve! Holy shit, you thought I was fucking your best friend!”

“Yeah I did, which is how I found out you weren’t! Because, when I got that package today I went and asked Steve about it. He and Tony revealed that you were in fact a handyman and then laughed at me.”

“This is so embarrassing. I can’t believe you thought I was fucking your best friend and an 89 year old woman.”

“If it helps, I was the one offering to give you a hand. So, I think we’re both pretty embarrassed.”

Clint groaned again and put his hand over his eyes, “No, Bucky, you don’t understand. The packages were always delivered to me.”

Bucky knew he was missing something, he just didn’t know what, “I know I deliver them to you.”

“No, Steve, always drops the package off at my house. I wanted a reason to talk to you, so I started putting them in your mailbox, so you’d bring them over. If I’d known about the sex shop rouse, I definitely would have just talked to you.”

Bucky couldn’t stop the huge grin that covered his face, “So, you sayin’ you like me?”

Clint shrugged his shoulders, “Well, yeah. You’re really hot, and you’ve been really nice every time I’ve spoken to you. I just thought maybe we could go on a date, I didn’t think you’d think I was some sex fiend.”

“A sex fiend?”

“Shut up, I don’t know how else to describe it!” Clint pushed against his shoulder and Bucky took a step back. He smiled at Clint and the man met his eyes and smiled back at him, “Clint, would you like to get a cup of coffee with me?”

Clint tilted his head from side to side then looked at the watch around his wrist, “I would love to, but I’ve got an appointment with Mrs Matheson and she hates waiting.”

“Oh, fuck you.” Bucky said with a laugh.

Clint pulled his lip between his teeth and smiled at him, “I’d love to have coffee with you, Bucky.”


End file.
